after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
