I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
