I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
