barbara walters just said penis...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
