So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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