i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize