Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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