i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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