Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
