Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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