yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
