That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
