i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
