That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize