good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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