my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
