Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
