Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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