Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
