I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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