The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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