So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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