i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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