Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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