all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
