ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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