also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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