why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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