i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's rum buckets o'clock
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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