i just had sex bonerless
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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