By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
