remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
