If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
