saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
