Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk is not a location!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
