Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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