I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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