Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
