I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The air taste purple.
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