Sponge bath it is.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
