weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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