this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
