i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
