How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
