I'm passing your future prison.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
