quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i drank out of a bidet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
