my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
