hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
