Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Success! We fucked roommates!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
