Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
