my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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