I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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