I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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