actually, I'm a sock model
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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