called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
