I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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