Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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