I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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