I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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