i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
